Negative self talk is never a good idea, but we are all guilty of it. It can be difficult to overcome negative self-talk and although common shouldn’t be something we indulge in. It can increase anxiety and impact our peace of mind. Audrey Lorde has a very famous quote that says,
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
We have to think of self-preservation, when trying to stop negative self talk. To preserve is to keep safe, to maintain, to keep alive, and to prepare. When you are working to preserve, you are practicing self-love and ultimately improving your overall wellness.
5 Ways to Stop Negative Self Talk
The definition of Gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. Gratitude is a powerful thing! If we were all in a state of gratitude the world would literally be a better place. There would be no time to practice negative self-talk. How do you practice gratitude? It’s very common to practice gratitude first thing in the morning. A lot of people keep a gratitude journal. All you do is write down 3-5 things you are grateful for. Oh and don't worry it doesn't have to be super deep or a long drawn out explanation. It can be very simple. Here are some examples.
- I am grateful I woke up this morning.
- I am grateful I have the means to feed myself
- I am grateful for my job
- I am grateful I am able to take a vacation.
- I am grateful to have a loving partner and healthy children.
- I am grateful I’m loved.
TIP: Make a morning ritual out of this! Grab some coffee/tea, a journal, and light our Shai candle.
Have you ever watched Being Mary Jane? In the very first episode, Gabrielle Union’s character has these yellow sticky notes with quotes written on them everywhere in her home. She has them on her bathroom mirror, on her bedroom window, in her closet, etc. She used them to encourage herself on a daily basis. This is something easy for all of us put into practice. She knew writing the affirmations down was putting them into action. Even Erykah Badu agrees.
Write it down on real paper with a real pencil. And watch shit get real.— ErykahBadoula (@fatbellybella) November 26, 2013
Affirmations provide emotional support and encouragement. Affirmations can move you from negative self talk to positive self talk. Here are some examples of affirmations you can write down:
- My own love raises my vibration. -Lalah Delia
- Setting boundaries is an extension of self-care. - Lalah Delia
- I thrive in uncertain situations. I bounce back from challenges. I break free from cycles. I am resilient. I am unstoppable. I have what it takes. The unknown doesn’t scare me. I trust the dark moments. I am flourishing, blooming, and coming out on top. It’s my time. -Idillionaire
- I will direct my attention, focus, and time towards what expands me, evolve me, and grows me on all levels. I am owning my greatness from this moment on. -Idillionaire
Lalah Delia and Idil Ahmed are great ladies to follow. Their words inspire us here at Sensual Candle Co. so much! There are many other affirmation pages you can follow on Instagram, Twitter, and even Pinterest to help you with the negative self-talk.
There’s nothing like achieving a goal. It’s a confidence booster and overall can make you feel so good about yourself. Thus reducing negative self talk.
On the weekly basis set a few attainable goals that you’d like to accomplish for the week. The keyword here is attainable. Here’s some examples:
- I will cook at least 4 times this week.
- I will workout 3 times this week.
- I will sign one new client.
- I will make 5 sales
Super easy, right?
We are all humans right? And what are humans? Flawed. No one is perfect and once you really understand that it’s easier to give yourself grace and compassion. Made a mistake? Said something really mean? Try not to be so hard on yourself. Don’t get us wrong. We don’t want you to be careless. You should be accountable for your actions, but do what you need to do to remedy the situation, forgive yourself, and move on.
Negative self-talk feeds on our ability to dwell and linger in fear, unhappiness, and negative feelings. Stop beating yourself up. The world does that enough for us.
Social Media Detox & Unfollows
Last, but definitely not least. I believe a lot of the negative self talk we experience today is due to comparison and jealousy. The main culprit is social media. If you can, try deleting the Instagram and Facebook apps from your phone for a month. It will be a nice break and you'll realize how much extra time you have because you are not scrolling the 'gram. When you return, go through your followers and unfollow anyone that doesn't share content that make you feel good. This includes family and friends. We know this may be hard for some, but unfollowing negative people and/or people who don’t make you feel good about yourself is the right move. You can always re-follow later. With a “clean” timeline, you should now only see people and things that bring you joy.
Do you have any practices that help you stop negative self talk? We would love to hear them! Leave them in the comments below.